They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Randomize
