i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
