I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
Randomize
