Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
i believe in u and ur pee
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
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