So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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