the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
I can't put those talents on a resume
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize
