the new term for farting is butt boxing.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
