I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
