So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Randomize
