i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Boobs speak an international language.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
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