I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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