I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
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