The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
