She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
