i just google imaged poop.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Drunk is not a location!
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Randomize
