her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
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