In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
