I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize
