everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
