her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
