I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Randomize
