Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
