you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
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