It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
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