im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
