The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
