I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
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It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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