I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
