finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize
