paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
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