? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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