thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Randomize
