2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day