Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
23 Strangest Things That Gave Dudes A Boner
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
These 21 People Shouldn’t Be Giving Dating Advice
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.