Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
