yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
