I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?