You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
I understand Curling. That high.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Randomize
