i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
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despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
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