Me too!
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
