dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
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