smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
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