I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Randomize
