He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Randomize
