that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
