Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
