WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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