So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize
