she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
