So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
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