I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
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