I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
