why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Why are your pants in the freezer?
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
