he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
found the other keg... it's in the tree
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Randomize
