so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
