Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
