last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Randomize
