My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
The power of my boobs compel you
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
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