So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
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