I just made out with a guy for $7.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
