Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
