The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Randomize
