My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Randomize