i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
