I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Randomize
