who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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