Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
Randomize
