After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
