"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
