if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Randomize
