Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
I have demons in me.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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