When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Randomize