If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Randomize
