Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Randomize
