All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Randomize
