Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
