Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
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